Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
