New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
