I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
