Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
