I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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