I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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