Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
