Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
