You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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