just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
