I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
