i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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