M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
