first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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