I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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