i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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