that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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