How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
