I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
