I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
