Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
