At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
