im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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