why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
