Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i think i just lost a toe
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
