I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
