u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
