So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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