It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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