No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
