ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
