I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
