What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
