There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
