At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
did i walk over a car last night?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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