It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
