so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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