so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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