now i know why i became what i already was.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
