I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is Oprah even human
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
