i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
