Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
