it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
