id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
