I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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