I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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