I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize