i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
