im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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