I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
