how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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