gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
