So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
