The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
