It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
