when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
