i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
