How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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