I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
