We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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