i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
