I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my being single is dangerous.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
