Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
