you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think people are normalizing furries
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize